Choice Doyce: The Best of Doyce Whisanant, by Doyce Whisanant & Macular Degenerates

Choice Doyce: The Best of Doyce Whisanant

by Doyce Whisanant & Macular Degenerates

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Full Digital Discography

41

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Get all 41 Tony Arnold releases available on Bandcamp and save 50%.

Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Vitaphonic, Trajectories, Esoteric Fruits, Anomalous, Sage, Sacred Secrets, Sanctuary, Collected Works, and 33 more. , and , .

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1.	Hunky Funk 05:59	lyrics	buy track
Hunky Funk Well I run into a boy in the barber shop the other day, he started telling me all about things he thunk. I got to thinking about all the shit he's coming out with, I told him, I said, 'boy that all, that's just a bunch of junk.' He rared up, said 'boy, I'll hit...I'll slap the shit out of you, you little punk.' I told that boy, I said well uh, “That ain't what your sister said the other day, she told me to shove it up in her trunk. But I had to tell her 'I ain't coming near that thing, darling, 'cause of, 'cause it smell more like a skunk.' But I don't wanta cause any trouble, I think we all oughta go buy us a ice cream.” Let's all do the Hunky Funk.
2.	Daddy's Ballad 04:19	lyrics	buy track
He wore some faded overhauls and sideburns down to here. He carried a broken pocket watch and a can of Billy Beer. He sounded like a cross between Junior Samples and Walter Brennan. The world despised his backwardness yet still he kept on grinnin'. He had a real bad mean streak-- at times, I guess we all do. But just when life was too much to swallow, he'd bite him off another chew. One Christmas we'd been out shopping, the winter that Daddy met Jean. I watched 'em flirtin' on the sawdust lot, ol' Daddy and the Swap Meet Queen. He th'owed them keys across to me, “Tell ye Mama 'n'em to go to Hell!” I always done what my Daddy said, and all Mama said was, “...well...” Spit-cup Daddy, I can see him now-- no explanations and no excuse. And all he left was a beat-up truck and a trail of tobacco juice. And every time my preacher asks, “Brother, are you ready?” I thank the Lord that my ol' man was my ol' spit-cup Daddy. Every now and then I'll hear a rumor and I'll wonder how he's getting on. I'll glance through photos he loved to take, no matter o' what I's sitting on. Sometimes I hear his voice inside when the road ahead looks grim. I'll git that ol' ignorant gleam in my eye and spit in memory of him. Spit-cup Daddy, I can hear him now with his low, maniacal laughter. Maybe he'll git him a Holy Grail for a spittoon in the hereafter. And every time the waitress asks me, “Darlin', are you ready?” I just grin at her and kinda wink, just like my spit-cup Daddy!
3.	Two Lives, One Trailer 05:25	lyrics	buy track
2 lives, 1 trailer Darlin' it's our shame 2 times one failure messin' up my game cut twiced, once measured 1 great long stain 2 lives, 1 trailer and just you to blame 2 lives, 1 trailer Darlin' it's my shame twiced times one failure fuckin' up my game cut twiced, once measured 1 lifelong stain 2 lives, 1 trailer and I've just you to blame etc.
4.	The Maharishi Vedic City Blues 05:25	lyrics	buy track
The Maharishi Vedic City Blues A hundred years before The Maharishis came to town, one family’s farm began to feed its neighbors from the ground. They’re trying to run the family off— “…and we’ll pay you for your pain, but if you don’t sell, we’ll steal it. It’s called eminent domain.” The cult that came to Iowa bought a school, and then the town. They tried to take a family’s farm so they could tear it down. But not a single one had worn a pair of working shoes… It’s food for thought, those Maharishi Vedic City Blues. There’s too much history, too much at stake-- the farmer needs a living, the farmer needs a break. There’s no consideration, no common sense-- just too much fiber, too much incense. When they started talking Sanskrit it was more scary than funny. Declared themselves all organic, and even printed their own money. It didn’t matter the town attorney was in bed with the little mayor-- they were all in league to screw the man with the farm that was already there. The nuts that came to Iowa preached “expansion” and “ideals,” but all they really seem to do is meditate their shady deals. The peace-nazis don’t ever want to walk in another’s shoes… it’s food for thought, these Maharishi Vedic City Blues.
5.	Jesus Goddamn 03:22	lyrics	buy track
Jesus Goddamn In this time of constant struggle, though I play the Daily Double, as I'm picking off the buzzard and the drone, While we pray with bitten knuckle with Your people crying 'uncle,' this subsistence living gets down to the bone. Oh Goddamn, oh Goddamn Well Goddamn it Jesus, please pick up the phone Oh Goddamn, oh Goddamn Well Goddamn it Jesus, what You waiting on? Well I don't want to come off pissy, and I'm sure You're really busy, but an intervention's truly overdue... There's a blaggard in the White House, there's a 'squatch out in the hen house, and there's plushies in the kindergarten, too. Oh Goddamn, oh Goddamn Well Goddamn it Jesus, what You waiting on? Oh Goddamn, oh Goddamn Jesus, Lord, just please pick up the fuckin' phone Oh Goddamn, oh Goddamn Does this busy signal mean it's off, or on? Oh Goddamn, oh Goddamn Get Your ass in gear and please get off the phone Oh Goddamn, oh Goddamn Well Goddamn it Jesus, please pick up the phone Oh Goddamn, oh Goddamn Well Jesus H., what the hell You waiting on?
6.	Conchsuckers 04:19	lyrics	buy track
Conchsuckers I tumbled out of my hammock this morning and I stumbled through the high grass and as I peered in through my own back window I caught a brief glimpse of my past. You jumped up off me and spilled all your coffee and the man that was me upped and fled. It kinda upset me, my appetite left me so I came on back out to my shed. I thought about all of our years together, all the things we never have done. Oh how I wish we could trade all the misery for the times we had so much fun. I guess that it's over. I'm back to the rover you once hauled in from the beach. I give you my blessin' and thanks for the lessons you were always so ready to teach. Conchsuckers is where you will always live in my mind and my memories. Conchsuckers was always our secret place, a ramshackle dive in the Keys. I'm leaving you everything I have to give, like I always do. I hope he's eager to learn conchsucking too. Conchsuckers is where you will always live in my heart and my memories. Conchsuckers is everyone's secret place, a ramshackle dive in the Keys. I took out the garbage and did all the household chores that you had asked me to do. I mowed your lawn, I did all your laundry, and even some of his too. I wish you the both the very best and the child you'll be giving birth to. I hope he's ready to learn conchsucking too.
7.	Rat Cheese 02:18		buy track
8.	Heart Like a Ass 03:10	lyrics	buy track
Heart Like A Ass Like a song without a chorus Like a wife without a man Like the road that lay before us Like Prince Albert in a can Skin just like a baked potato Like a joke that went too far Hair just like a stewed tomato A lightning bug inside a jar Teeth like a locomotive Eyes like she just don't care Love just like a cold votive Ass just like a beanbag chair Smell like a cold cigar A vagrant on a crowded train Sound like a warped guitar A funeral in the driving rain Round like a white beachball Ears like a vampire bat's Acts like she's playing possum Bad like a sack of feral cats Like a deer in New York City Like a hunter without sights Like a cyclone without pity Like I'd quit without a fight Pain like a big machete Th'owed by a large monkey Run like a '60 Chevy Cold like a frozen hunky Death like a cold shower A place you never should've been Like your final hour A song you'll never sing again Like a verse without a chorus Like a show without a band Like an independent woman Like a lonely married man
9.	Satan's Elephant 03:55	lyrics	buy track
Satan's Elephant Well I just can't pretend an interest in lentils and beans or flavorless, limp-wristed leafies, as strange as it seems. Though my weight may belie my intentions, I've give it my best. I'm just waitin' on Satan's Elephant to sit on my chest. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy vegetating, even if leisure's the service of Satan. My deal's done gone down, I'm fat anyway. So pass me them donuts, let's do this today. Perhaps it seems a mite backwards to those inclined to snicker. But my ancestral blood tends to run towards the thicker. I may serve as a source of amusement to you, the unSouthern. But Death's gonna snag us all, one way or another'n. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy vegetating, even if rest is the service of Satan. My deal's done gone down, I'm blissfully stout. So haul out them pork rinds, and let's just pig out. Well, I just can't maintain an interest in lentils and beets, or deadly, uninteresting diets and athletic feats. My appetite for life has been sated. I gave it my best. I'm just waiting on Satan's Elephant to sit on my chest. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy vegetating, even if leisure's the service of Satan. My deal's done gone down, I'm dead anyhow, so hand me the ice cream and Cheezits right now. No, don't get me wrong, I enjoy vegetating, even if resting's the service of Satan. My deal's done gone down, I'm fat anyway, so pass me them donuts, let's do this today.
10.	Quonset Hut Soul 03:44	lyrics	buy track
Quonset Hut Soul Sometimes it seem like life is wasted on the world we know, mankind was better off before we showed up. Like all the wasted lives and all the pain and all the tears would all just disappear if we was blowed up. Times like these if everything we know went up in smoke, if we would stop to think, we wouldn't risk it. But who the hell am I to second-guess some crazy fool who's never even eat a buttered biscuit? I gotta git on down the road I got a nail on a pole I got a jaw full of Skoal I got a quonset hut soul Sometimes it seem like love is wasted on the ones we know, and we was better off before love showed up. Count all the wasted nights and all the dates and all the beers and all the plastic gals that you blowed up. I gotta git on down the road I got a cereal bowl I gotta kick me a goal I got a quonset hut soul Times like these if everything we knew went up in smoke, if we could get 'em back, we wouldn't risk it. But who the hell are we to intervene, in other words, just who the hell are you to eat my biscuit? I gotta git down the road I gotta dig me a hole I'm gonna make like a mole I got a quonset hut soul
11.	Get on Your High Horse and Ride 03:14	lyrics	buy track
Get on Your High Horse and Ride Tell me all your troubles Lay down all your care Tell me why you're scowling with your nose up in the air Tease me with your tension Thrill me with your shame Tell me that I'm worthless but the only one to blame But I was still in summer camp on the day that Jack died, so get on your high horse and ride Spit out every grievance threaten me with death Shout that I'm a racist with your very dying breath Tell me that I owe you, see how much I care since every step you ever took was to this smokin' chair But my ass was still in school the day that Martin died, so get on your high horse and ride Paint me as a relic Castigate my sex, Tell 'em I'm a deadbeat while you're cashing in my checks Write that I'm a bigot, a sexist and a cad, but don't forget to mention I'm the best you ever had But I was doing something else the day that Lincoln died and Judas killed with cowardice, the law was on his side. Remember no one carried guns the day that Jesus died, so get on your high horse and ride
12.	The Air Golfer 00:47		buy track
13.	Shall There Be Dinosaurs to Saddle Up Yonder 03:37	lyrics	buy track
Shall There Be Dinosaurs to Saddle Up Yonder? Shall there be dinosaurs to saddle up yonder? Shall there be cryptozoic fossils on high? Shall there be prehistoric cattle up yonder? Shall there be angels to show the reasons why? Shall there be donuts and ice cream up yonder, or will there be any snack foods to buy? Shall there be no more hunger up yonder? Will there be no more new goodies to try? Shall there be entertainment up yonder? Will there be any new fall shows to try? Shall there be any point in being up yonder, or shall we wish we were back here and high? Shall there be aliens to battle up yonder, and will they mutilate the cattle on high? Shall there be robots to serve us up yonder, and will there be extra batteries to buy? Shall there be pedophilic bishops up yonder? Will there be back-slapping shysters on high? Shall there be telegenic morons up yonder, and will there be lots of cheap shit to buy? Shall there be dinosaurs to saddle up yonder? Shall there be cryptozoic fossils on high? Shall there be prehistoric cattle up yonder? Shall there be aliens to show the reasons why?
14.	A Contingency of Trap Door Spider Monkeys 02:07	lyrics	buy track
Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Fuck me!
15.	Hammschtack Schtappkackh Schpammschtapp! 10:00	lyrics	buy track
<The Silence of My Scream> <The dollar signs are beckoning from the far side of inner space. The Pontiacs, the Chevrolets, the Cadillacs replacing my absent face. The steamboat sends its signals up to where the flying discs descend and the silence of my scream tells me what my dreams portend.> <The agonies of my suffering make my eardrums crave death metal but the love my hatred's buffering is like the rose's petal.> <Let the notes on the page disintegrate my pain a la Skylab...> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! HELLO, JOE! <The question marks are beckoning from the inside of outer space. The mansion, the jewelry and the sateen replaces my missing face. The death star sends its signals down to where the flying discs ascend. May the silence of my scream tell you what these dreams portend.>
16.	I Would Sooner Have the Contents of a Universe Syringed into my Anus than Forswear my Utopian Fantasies! 01:39	lyrics	buy track
I Would Sooner Have the Contents of a Universe Syringed into my Anus than Forswear my Utopian Fantasies!
17.	Spaced Out Blues 05:18	lyrics	buy track
Spaced Out Blues Oh come on, baby, please, please dontcha sull up like that... Let's just me, you and Jesus, let's just get up Let's just get lit tonight. Heh, heh... Hey look at that lawn jockey... See what he's doing? HeeHee That little fucker... How come you painted him that color like that? Yeah... I, uh... I heard that! Baby, how long we had them peacocks? I ain't never noticed 'em before... they sure are pretty. Baby, please... please dontcha sull up like that. You know I'm a good man. I love you, I'll, I'll stay with you, baby. Can't go... Can't go deer hunting... My deer stand's haunted. I ain't going back there. Oh shit! I got to get up, I got to go bass fishing tomorrow. Let me get up from here. HehHeh.
18.	Live Free or Die (instrumental edit) 03:41		buy track
19.	Skeet Giaclepousse (Your Mother's Bush) 04:14	lyrics	buy track
Skeet Giaclepousse (Your Mother's Bush) Now I'll sing you the legend of Skeet Giaclepousse who abides in the wilderness of great northern woods and he lives in a cabin he built with his hands and he tenders his food from the land. And an end to his free-roaming days came to pass when he found himself captive to one native lass who had scouted the portents which led her to him, Skeet Giaclepousse and his faithful wife Quim. In the late winter's gloom he said, “Quim I must go, to the aid of my friend far away from this snow who has too many trees where he lives in the South, which endanger his double-wide house.” And she gave him a phone, saying, “Be with me still.” He said, “Quim if I find me a signal, I will, though the passage be hard and the absence be long, I will call you and sing you this song...” I remember its fragrance like roses in bloom and the way that it glowed in the full of the moon, and as sure as my name is ol' Skeet Giaclepousse, I can still smell your old mother's bush. You're as good of a woman as ever there was and as dutiful a daughter as ever there does, you're as lovely as anyone's mother could will, or the bush where her ashes lie still... dah de dah dede dah de dah dede dah...etc.
20.	No Happy Ending 04:53	lyrics	buy track
No Happy Ending She never wanted children to come into a world like this one, and she said it in her poetry and stories, but few ever listened. She left her first husband to cohabitate with a cousin who'd admired her from childhood, and thus was the Web set a-buzzin'. And things leveled out for a while, though her guilt never vanished. So she buried herself in her art and the church and her Spanish. 'Til the day her new life ended badly, perhaps even crassly, when she found him at home wearing hose and her old Laura Ashley. This is just who I am I think we both knew it It is what it is, that's all there is to it There's no one to blame, my proclivity's clear. This is life, and there's no happy endings here. And for weeks she confessed all her rage for the cross-dressing bastard to the kind and unjudgmental ear of her transgendered pastor, who confessed him/herself to abetting an unhappy marriage, whereupon he/she opened the robe of his/her lonely carriage. Though the flock was unruffled, the peace was predictably riven. And the pastor was held to account for the oath he/she'd given. Their community opened up itself to the two, for all their sins, with a markedly different reaction from his/her twins. It's just what I am I think you both knew it It is what it is, that's all there is to it. There's no one to blame, my affections are clear. This is love, but there's no sappy endings here. I gave her her freedom along with my life in her city. I gave her my friendship in spite of all she'd done, more's the pity. I gave her my number to use when her life would bottom out. And that this would one day come to pass, there was never a doubt. Her life had continued to spiral into raw desolation. But on hearing me sing, she had phoned up to offer her congratulations. And she nervously queried if I still begrudged her the wrong. With her silence to accompany me, I sang her this song... I'm who life has made me I want you to know it It is what it is, that's all there is for it. You've just you to blame, consequences are clear. This is Country, and there ain't no happy endings here. Yee-haw.
21.	Piss on You 01:46	lyrics	buy track
Piss On You I have to say I'm mighty proud to get that note from you. It does me good to know a fan enjoys a song or two. But fifty cents a song does not permit the bearer who would like the rest for free. Piss on you. I ain't about to waste my time doing what others do: I'll spend my evenings on this couch or writing something new No, I don't do the things I do because you pay me to. You ain't the boss of me, piss on you. Now we ain't lugging all this gear when ya'll don't have a clue. Your culture's fell to Hollywood and liquor vendors too. And fifty cents a song will only buy a string or two. I'll refill my own glass, piss on you. We ain't about to waste our time doing what others do. We spend our evenings on the porch or playing something new. No, we don't do the things we do because ya'll pay us to. You ain't the boss of us, piss on you. Nobody works for free, piss on you. No, we ain't paying ya'll, piss on you.
22.	I Don't Want to Stay With You 03:39	lyrics	buy track
I Don't Want to Stay With You I shall not prevaricate, I just want to fornicate, just to have engaged in congress with your glands. I don't want to stay with you, I just want to play with you. I just want to grasp your ass cheeks in my hands. I have no ambitions to give you my name, I just want to roll within your hay. And if that position would cause you any pain, we might simply change the way you lay. I shall not dissimulate, I just want to copulate, I just want to hold your feet behind your head. I don't want to pay for you, I just want to play with you. I just need to roll your booty in my bed. I'm in no position to stake any claim, I don't want you moving in my place. And if this position should cause you any pain, I'll just have a quickie with your face. I don't wanna lead you on, honey, I just wanna lay you down in clover. And if you're not comfortable with that proposition, well, then, sweetie, just bend over! I will not prevaricate, I just need to fornicate. I just want to have a play date in your hand. I don't want to stay with you, I just want to play with you. I just want to spray some playmate with my glands.
23.	Ejaculate! 04:01		buy track
24.	Salting the Slugs 03:54	lyrics	buy track
Salting the Slugs Well, he's a slab of human fatback. He's a skunk among the sheep. Get yourself mixed up with him, you won't never get no sleep. He's the injun to your cowboy, he's the fugitive to your king. You can warn everybody about him, it won't change a thing. You can comfort yourself with scriptures, you can comfort each other with hugs. But you know in the bigger picture, it's only salting the slugs. Well he dwells in the nightmares of women who invited him to their beds. It's a river of blood that he's swimming, all the men who lost their heads. And the things that were tattooed upon him and the things that bind in his hair, they all come from a power you pray to in a future that couldn't care. You can lie to yourself with religion, you can lie to each other with hugs. But he knows that in the long run, it's only salting the slugs. You pretend that it's a conspiracy, you believe that it's only a hoax. But he stared at the center of what you are and saw that it's only a joke. You can label it mental nausea, or existentialist bile. You can say whatever you have to, as long as it's with a smile. You can succor yourself with scripture, you can succor each other with hugs. But you know in the bigger picture, it's only salting the slugs.
25.	Pussies of Gold 04:36	lyrics	buy track
Pussies of Gold Deep in the mountains, when I was born there was a place where I'd always be there come Sunday morn. A tar paper shelter we called a church. Away from the pulpit, I'd prowl the carpet a-looking up skirts. I'm crossing to Canaan, 'tis there I shall go. Pathways to pleasance, squinting in heaven's glorious glow. I'm stroking 'cross Jordan, 'tis there I must row to hooters in heaven, asses of angels, and pussies of gold. Deep in them valleys, I learned by-and-by with some indiscretion to skim the collection plate on the sly. I pilfered and plundered, and squirreled away. I bought me some glasses for looking at asses every Lord's day. I'm gazing at glory, and satiny rolls. Inches from pleasance, squinting up heaven's comeliest folds. I'm stroking 'cross Jordan, 'tis then I must know hooters in heaven, asses of angels, and pussies of gold. In the cleft of them mountains where I was born, there is a place where I'll always be there come Sunday morn. A vast coliseum we call a church. I stand in my pulpit, a sanctified culprit a-looking up skirts. I'm spying out angels but none of them knows a thing of the angles my lenses dangle, or of what they show. I'm stroking towards Jordan, and there I shall know hooters in heaven, asses of angels, pussies of gold.
26.	Memaw's Kitchen 05:34	lyrics	buy track
Memaw's Kitchen In Memaw's kitchen there's a sponge cake and camp coffee, too. There's a pantry stuffed with all of the fixin's. In the corner there's a hound dog with one good eye on you, and a friend can be found in Memaw's kitchen. There's no starving as she gets to carving up the meat at Memaw's. There's always room for seconds, and another pair of jaws. There's jars of homemade jam and a big ol' smokehouse ham and enough Old World charm to give each of us pause. In Memaw's kitchen there's a spice rack and dried salmon, too, but she never says exactly what she's fixin'. In the corner there's a neighbor doing bone-picking, too. Of the bitchin' there's no end in Memaw's kitchen. In the rafters there are dried goods you'll only see at Memaw's. There's something off about that dog or the thing that it gnaws. There's rows of labeled cans writ in unfamiliar hands and oddly-unlit panels to give anyone pause. In Memaw's kitchen there's a hoecake and stag beetles, too. There's an aspic crammed with all of the fixin's. In the corner there's a widow with her eye set on you, and your luck will just depend on Memaw's kitchen. There'll be no starving as we set to carving up this thing at Memaw's. It's got eyes in its asshole and two sets of jaws, with a skin that looks like Spam, the tentacle tastes like ham, and blue, gristly things clutched in each of its claws. In Memaw's kitchen there's a bat cake and black adder stew: a smorgasbord with all of the fixin's. In the corner there's a shadow with a message for you, who were bound to be found in Memaw's kitchen. With clouds amassing as we're passing 'round the plates at Memaw's, those disembodied voices speak of unheard-of slaws. Then Memaw taps her hand as her Piss Jug Band commences their renditions from within those aged walls.
27.	Grandmother's Gums 04:24	lyrics	buy track
Grandmother's Gums Well she pointed her finger at one of her brood and said, Him I will have me to chew up my food. And him, he shall tend me for the rest of my days, for there's been none to serve me since they buried my slaves. And long did I linger beneath her regard, but the nights were as tender as the days were hard. And my dreams they are haunted by the dead of my kin. And my fears they are tempered by the love of my skin. The forest and the trees, the birds and the bees, the bumblebee buzzes and the hummingbird hums-- I learned about these through my Grandmother's gums. She shot him through the stomach, and as he lay on the ground, I cried, “I love you, Pawpaw!” And he laughed at the sound. Then he winced with the pain as he chewed on his Tums and said, You love only yourself and your Grandmother's gums! The forest and the trees, the birds and the bees, the bumblebee buzzes and the hummingbird hums-- I learned about these from my Grandmother's gums. All these memories I clutch like some treasure or wound, for they found me a-raiding my Grandmother's tomb, where I've taken and wrapped in this flag that I wave, and as one we lie bleeding on Grandfather's grave.

about

This best-of selects the premium tracks from his four landmark albums: Quonset Hut Soul, Heart Like a Ass, Hunky Funk Honky, and The Silence of My Scream. This is the stuff of funky weirdness, and stylistically runs the gamut: not for the humorless!

"Bereft of the normal miscues typically befitting such a fellow of lesser means, Doyce Whisanant is a man of single-wide circumstances with double-wide vision." - PINK TORPEDO

"If a man's trailer is his castle, then a Quonset Hut surely must be a palace. One can hear such delicate contemplation and reason of life's ups and downs in the wailing chorus of 'oh, goddamn' on the opening track. Doyce Whisanant rises forth like a fiery Phoenix from the ashen mound of Rayle, Georgia, as no doubt many savory bits rise forth from the ashen mounds of his buttocks." - HOEDOWN MAGAZINE

"An exhaustingly expansive mind... Everyone gets deer meat tonight" - LOCO MAGAZINE

"Puts a new low in low-brow." - SKANK

credits

released April 1, 2010

Doyce Whisanant: vocals, tambourine & concepts
Macular Degenerates - musical accompaniment
background vocals: Kunt Hanley & The Dixie Sodomaires
instrumental accompaniment by The Rayle Deal
Recorded & produced by Tony Arnold