Tinsel on my Stump

from Yule Wonder by Musaphonic

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lyrics

Tinsel on my Stump

The Corporal cradles his carbeurator,
he's vomiting into a tire,
while his young 'un's correcting his posture
as he holds his own feet to the fire.
Well, the weinie wagons are circling
and he's way overdue for the nurse
but it's bottles of liquid what got him here
and the needles just made it worse.
All the sweatered matrons are giddy
but their dimpled cheeks are too plump.
And they're busyin' their husbands' X-mas balls
while I'm freezing mine off in this dump.
I've so little regard for your welfare,
that there ain't enough left for my own.
So I'm singin' 'baby, it's cold outside,'
in my portable frontier home.
All the Santas are wearing fezzes this year
while the elves 're molesting the toys.
It's consequences for Christmas
and the--hang in there with me, boys!--
there's a clearance sale on youth & beauty
and I've already paid for this hump,
so I guess I'll do my Yuletide duty
and drape some tinsel on my stump.